You just made me feel so damn special
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
