I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
