I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
