just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
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