the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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