I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
