She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
