I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
