bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
