This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
BRING THE BAGELS
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
