I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
