All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
