She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the condom got lost in my hair
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
