She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
