Only a mothe r could love this liver
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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