Can Purell be used as lube?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
