I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
