I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
