I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
