Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
