UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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