Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
