you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
