I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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