I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
