During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
