Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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