i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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