Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
