Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
