He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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