I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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