my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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