No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
