Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
