Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
