he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
