bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We just shotgunned beers for America
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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