Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
