Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
