do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
