..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
