I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am available for nakedness
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
