Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
