Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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