When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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