Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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