I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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