she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
