Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
