I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
